Stop the Suffering - by not taking it personal.

‘You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.’

 -Don Miguel Ruiz

This quote is from Don Miguel Ruiz who has written a book called ‘The Four Agreements’.  It’s a great book, one of the agreements that really resonated with me was ‘Don’t take it personal'.  In this agreement he discusses that many of us often take offence to a statement, comment, opinion or action made by another person towards us.  

Many times we get upset or angry at others for making a statement.....it could be that they say you’re fat, ugly or stupid. I think what is happening here is we are becoming the victim, as a result we may end up feeling sorry for ourselves or angry at the other person. What we need to practice is to let go of the ego and understand that in fact it’s nothing to do with us but the other person and how they perceive things. If you take on what someone has said and allow it to affect you then it only creates unnecessary suffering. 

Honestly, I can put my hand on my heart and say that I used to be a culprit of this unnecessary suffering .  Luckily, I am getting better at not taking things personal, although I’m not perfect and may never be, but getting better is still good.  

So, if for example someone said something or did something to me that could be deemed as offensive, I could hold on to it for days..... or even months - with the comment or action going over and over in my head, taking up my time, energy, even affecting my concentration.  So, as I write this, it’s also a reminder to myself, as I do find myself occasionally falling back into this pattern of taking things personally.  

Imagine the emotional freedom you would have, knowing that the actions or words of others could not bother you and that you could be totally immune to the words and actions of others. It's a good space to be in.

You know... we can’t rely on others to create our happiness and taking things personal can possibly indicate that we're  counting on other people to bring us happiness. For me I have to remember that deep inside I am loved by the God/Universe unconditionally and whatever someone says is not for me to take on and make it personal.

Another thing to bear in mind is that although we can’t control other people we can control ourselves. We have a choice -  and too often I think we forget this and as a result end up reacting to things so quickly without even thinking -  it’s almost we’re like we're making the choice to be offended unconsciously.

So a statement I often practice saying, especially when I find myself falling back into this taking it personal rut, is ‘I will no longer be trapped by the thoughts, opinions and actions of others’