Can you really “have it all”?
I’ve been thinking lately if really it is possible to strike that perfect balance between having a career, taking care of family and being a wife - and doing it all well.
Because to be really good at work and progress you’ve got to work harder than most. Which often means extra hours - but where would those extra hours come from? Surely you’ve got to “steal” them from the hubby or the kids? No?
Then if you want to be the best wife surely you’ve got to do what perfect wives do? As I really can’t claim to know this I googled “perfect wife”. A lot of images involving aprons, golden brown roasts and perfectly put-together homes. That one also sounds time consuming.
Then being the best parent is not just a full time job it’s an all time job that needs you to put your all into it. With this one there’s no room for slacking, so definitely need to put in the hours. And being a modern parent there’s a forever growing list of requirements. One mum could not have put it better when she said to be a perfect parent you must “make sure your children’s academic, emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual, physical, and social needs are met while being careful not to over stimulate, underestimate, improperly medicate, helicopter, or neglect them in a screen free, processed foods free, plastic free, body positive, socially conscious, egalitarian but also authoritative, nurturing but fostering of independence, gentle but not overly permissive, pesticide-free two-storey, multilingual home preferably in a cul-de-sac with a backyard and 1.5 siblings spaced at least two years apart for proper development also don’t forget the coconut oil.” I’m exhausted just writing that lol.
Then to maintain your sanity, me time and friend time is a must. Long relaxing baths, pedicures, massages are also time consuming.
It almost seems as though there are not enough hours in a day. But there are many out there who seem to balance it all with finesse. So here’s what my research has suggested:
- Flexible working if you can arrange it. Many employers are surprisingly flexible, and allow working from home, part time and split hours. Work for yourself and pick your own hours!
- Quality child care - get the right childcare that makes you feel at ease when you’re at work. Check in regularly during the day. I just read about hallmark recordable books where you can “read” to the little ones when you’re away.
- Start the day on a good note. Avoid rushing in the morning. Plan the evening before - lay out clothes, pack lunch etc
- Pay for as much help as is affordable; Cleaners, ironers you name it. If you can afford it pay for it!
- Create special family traditions. Focus on quality time whenever you’re with the family.
- Grandparents, trusted friends etc are amazing for babysitting on date nights.
Is it really possible to strike a fine balance? I’m sure it is - anything is possible. For me it’s still a work in progress - one thing I know though is that I am happy not to have a superwoman status. I simply can’t do it alone. Team work makes the dream work. I’ll be roping in all the help I can get.
Nope it's a myth. Everyone makes tradeoffs, men and women.
ReplyDeleteHmm...Trade offs seem more costly for women than men?
DeleteAgree, def more for women than men.
DeleteI don't think so - i think the difference is that it's assumed what a woman's choice will be whereas men have the room to make the choice (although sometimes I wonder about that too)
ReplyDeleteHmm but what do men sacrifice? Time with the kids? They get the “fun time”. We get the all the time 😂
DeleteThey sacrifice the depth of the relationship you build with the kids by spending different kinds of time with them. The things you learn about their development in the process.
ReplyDeleteThere is a reason why most kids end up more attached to their mothers than their fathers and that's something some fathers are 'giving up' whether consciously or unconsciously
That is so true
DeleteI wonder if it’s worth it - trying to have it all, who asked us to anyway?
ReplyDeleteI think we should force the men to take over so we can drop the kids off to school and go for manicures
You speak the truth! 😂😂
DeleteGreat article! This is certainly an ongoing conversation in the mind of a modern day woman ! Often I need to be reminded that the good men actually sacrifice too! The pressure to provide the best for your family is high; Men worry a lot about not being able to provide at any one point. For sure it will always take a village, I agree with the point of view to pay for as much help as is affordable! Yes, we can perhaps have it all but we can not do it all... not ourselves anyway.
ReplyDeleteI love that - we can have it all but not do it all! Oh yes, our Dear Men also have this balancing act to master. Teamwork makes the dream work.
DeleteThis is an interesting topic. Personally my answer is NO 'you can't have it all' from the scenarios given. I believe all the 3 areas comes in at different stages, sometimes you can juggle between 2 but it's always a struggle when to try doing all 3 at the same time. Usually 'Work Hard' is given the highest priority, dashing around looking for things wanting to do well at work then you end up losing out on good relationships with your family, husband. The danger here is that 'Wife Hard' unconsciously has the lowest priority which has its own challenges! The point or the problem is we are all conforming to the pressures of the life and the world we live in now. My thing is we need to make or find the balance for all 3 areas because they all very important to our lives. Above all we need to seek God's help and guidance through it all.
ReplyDelete